Tell your Bridesmaids: my new wedding book “Bridesmaid on a Budget” is on super-sale at Kindle for $4.27 right now! Help your bridesmaids save tons of money on everything from their bridesmaid dresses to the bridal shower to their travel and lodging, gifts, beauty expenses, accessories and more! Bridesmaids shouldn’t have to pay $1,000+ to be in your bridal party! They’ll love you for looking out for them, and showing them this post so they can get their own Kindle versions of the book!
This great wedding planning question came in to my column at www.weddingmapper.com, and it’s a dilemma for a lot of parents. So I thought I’d share it here, in case you’re facing the same rehearsal dinner guest list questions:
Question:
Hi Sharon,
I am the Mother of the Groom planning a rehearsal dinner in July. My husband and I have our own idea of who is invited to this affair, based on 30 years ago, but today’s generation of 20 somethings have a different idea! My problem is considering what the Bride and Groom want-inviting all guests to the rehearsal dinner who will be coming in to town for the wedding, “after all they have to have someplace to eat dinner”, will turn the Rehearsal Dinner into another, although slightly smaller,’reception’. Most of my family will be the out of towners, all of whom my future daughter in law has met and knows very well. The only guests she doesn’t know are some close friends of ours from high school and college, who wouldn’t expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Where do we draw the line in inviting guests to the Rehearsal Dinner? I thought it was supposed to be a time for the B & G to say thanks to their wedding party, and anyone else involved in the ceremony, and give gifts to them. That would be very awkward with alot of other guests around who they will be seeing the next day.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Answer:
Hi Terry!
The trend of inviting all out of towners to the rehearsal dinner has actually faded out a bit now, given the economy and the expense of the wedding. While it’s completely understandable that the bride and groom want to have their out of town guests’ dinner provided, what’s being done now, more often, is just the immediate family and bridal party invited to the rehearsal dinner — for the reasons you mentioned — and out of town guests provided with a list of nearby eateries, or a cocktail party planned for LATER the night before….after the rehearsal dinner. The out of town guests get the picture that they’re not invited to the rehearsal dinner (which may be early at 6pm) when they’re invited to a Welcome Cocktail Party at the hotel, where drinks and light hors d’oeuvres are served. They can take their time arriving, unpacking and mingling, perhaps going to the hotel lounge on their own to eat, and then they know they’ll see you all at the cocktail party later. It keeps costs down, creates a festive atmosphere for that night, gives the bride and groom quality time with their guests, and keeps the toats and gift-giving at the rehearsal dinner to the smaller group.
It’s always the host’s choice of which plan to do…if the bride and groom really want all of the guests at the rehearsal dinner, then think about doing a heavier-appetizers cocktail party for all to keep expenses lower, limit the bar list, and have the bride and groom give their bridal party members their gifts at an earlier arrival time set for them. Toasts can still be made, so this might be a good compromise plan.
Talk to the bride and groom to see what you can arrange…they might be looking for more relaxed time to spend with a greater circle of incoming guests.
Sharon Naylor
My new wedding book has arrived! And I’m giving away my own, personal, very first copy to a lucky bride who wants to find out how to get great freebies for her wedding…without selling out, and without risking wedding disasters.
Check out what Bridal Guide’s editor-in-chief had to say about it:
“The definitive guide for couples looking to slash their wedding budgets without sacrificing style. Sharon Naylor spells out which freebies are accessible and which not to expect for free. A must-read for couples who want a fantastic wedding and a debt-free start to married life.” — Diane Forden, Editor in Chief, Bridal Guide
With the average cost of weddings today at over $20,000, it’s no wonder that today’s savvy, budget-conscious brides are looking for deals to get the wedding of their dreams at a fraction of the cost. But in today’s world where extreme couponing and the number of wedding sweepstakes competitions is on the rise, for the modern bride, discounts and bargains are simply not enough. For these brides, only free will do.
Enter The Bride’s Guide to Freebies, the book that shares insider secrets on how to potentially get thousands of dollars worth of merchandise and products for your wedding for free. No, this is not a book of suggested bargains and discounts. Rather, this book provides freebie-finding strategies on everything from the dress to the food to the entertainment, information on what to say (and not say) to score lots of swag, and how to foster positive relationships with vendors that result in spectacular add-ins. And each and every tip and strategy featured in the book is designed to give the budget-conscious bride the ultimate payoff: lots of wedding goods and extras… for absolutely zero money.
Visit my site www.sharonnaylor.net for more info on this book, as well as my 35 additional wedding books, and get your copy at Amazon or Barnes and Noble if you’re not the lucky winner chosen on December 5th!
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What could be more wonderful than an amazing wedding toast? Lots of them! It’s those amazing words and wishes proposed to you that add so much heart to your wedding celebration, and there are so many opportunities all through your wedding season and wedding weekend for fabulous words to be spoken.
[My book Your Special Wedding Toasts is available now on Kindle, so get my tips, sample toasts, questionnaires to help you write your toast and other ideas now!]
Yes, it’s tradition that the Best Man makes the first toast at the reception, with the Maid of Honor speaking immediately after him, but great speeches may be added to many wonderfully worded moments that take place at all of your wedding-related celebrations.
Today’s brides and grooms are letting their best man and maid of honor know that they’d like them to speak at the reception, and they are also asking the parental hosts of the rehearsal dinner and even the morning-after breakfast if they’d like to make the ‘official toast’ of the event. When parents are hosting these important celebrations, it’s a big Don’t for anyone but them to give the first toast, so keep that in mind before you clink your fork against your glass to stand up and speak. Many couples have been stunned to find their parents fuming about their big moment being ruined.
Toasts are yours to make at events you’re hosting, such as a luncheon with your bridesmaids, and the wedding morning breakfast, and others in which you have the big spotlight.
So how many toasts are too many? Stick with one to two toasts per non-wedding event, two toasts at the rehearsal dinner (the first by the hosts, the second by you), and three or four toasts spread out over the course of the reception – the first being the best man’s and maid of honor’s, a later one made by or to the parents, and the last one made by the two of you as your celebration closes.
Here’s a list of the top events that invite special toasts made to the two of you – and perhaps also made by the two of you, as you thank your parents, bridal party, guests and perhaps even your kids:
–Your engagement party
–The first planned meeting between your parents
–A luncheon or get-together when you invite your friends to be your bridesmaids
–The luncheon that precedes your first gown-shopping expedition with your bridesmaids, maid of honor and the moms
–WEDDING showers
–Planning lunches or brunches with your bridal party members (thanking them again for doing such a great job for you!)
–Bachelor’s and bachelorette’s parties
–Any wedding weekend MEALS, such as brunches, barbecues or dinners at home
–The rehearsal dinner, again with the hosts speaking first, as a rule
–The after-party
–The morning-after breakfast, again with the hosts speaking first, and you then making the next toast
Don’t forget the hot new trend of the bride and groom taking the microphone right before they cut the cake, to thank everyone, from their parents to their guests, who came so far to share in their day, even to the staff of the reception hall and the wedding coordinator who’s right there taking care of everything.
And don’t forget the romance and sweetness of proposing a toast to your groom at any of these events. He may do the same for you.
It’s time for another Free Chapter from one of my books! This time, I’m sharing my Planning Timeline from my new book “Bridesmaid on a Budget,” so share this with your bridesmaids to keep them organized and in the loop!
Bridesmaid Planning Timeline
Not sure what to do when? We have your complete planning timeline and checklist here for your use! And here’s how you can customize this list to suit the extra little things your bride is likely to ask of you, and that you may want to plan on your own: just cut and paste this checklist, copy it to a new doc file, and type in your own tasks!
For the big stuff, like the deadline for sending your payment, set your phone or computer’s alarm or reminder service to give you the heads-up that it’s time to pay up! The bride loves it when her bridesmaids are on time, and no one has to make that awkward phone call to tell you to get it in gear!
Here you go!
12+ Months in Advance:
____ Send the bride and groom a pretty engagement card, congratulating them on their wonderful news!
____ RSVP to any engagement parties to which you’re invited
____ Buy and wrap a gift for the engagement party
____ The minute the bride has the wedding date and location set, put in your request for time off of work.
____ When the wedding date and location are official, with the bride’s okay and room block info set, book your travel and lodging. (With your date, if you’ll bring one!)
____ Create your organizer plan, whether it’s a binder or a spreadsheet, to keep yourself on schedule.
____ Offer to help the bride find her ceremony and reception locations, especially if you have attended weddings at some of the places she wishes to tour.
____ E-mail the Maid of Honor to offer your help, as well as any contacts you have who may be helpful in group party planning
9 to 12 Months in Advance:
____ Follow the Maid of Honor’s lead in getting to know the other bridesmaids, such as her invitation for you all to e-mail each other if you’re local to one another. Carpooling may be an option!
____ If the bride invites you, join her at wedding expos.
____ If the bride invites you, join her as she shops for her dream wedding gown.
____ If you plan to get in shape for the big day, begin a health regimen, or kick your workout routine into higher gear.
6 to 8 Months in Advance
____ Start sending dress suggestions to the Maid of Honor, CCing the bride, if you find a fabulous dress or designer you’d like considered for your wedding day wear.
____ Have your measurements professionally-taken by an expert seamstress, to get the perfect dimensions for ordering a dress that will actually fit you!
____ Join the bridesmaids in the official search for your wedding day bridesmaids dresses.
____ Deliver your size card and deposit money for the official dress order.
____ Review your finances and budget for the expenses coming up!
____ Ask the bride or Maid of Honor what the plan is going to be for shoes and accessories – wear your own silver strappies, or join the group in ordering matching heels.
____ Offer to help the bride with any planning tasks she has going on right now.
____ Find yourself a date, if you don’t already have one!
4 to 6 Months in Advance:
____ Join the bridesmaids and Maid of Honor in discussions about the bridal shower plans.
____ Volunteer to take on any bridal shower planning tasks you’d like to work on.
____ Join the group in searching for the perfect bridal shower location.
____ Be able to tell friends where the couple is registered, if you are asked.
____ Deliver any payments due for your dress or shoe orders.
____ If this is a destination wedding, check your passport to see if it will be valid, or apply for a new or renewed passport now.
2 to 4 Months in Advance:
____ If your dress has arrived, make your appointments for your dress fittings.
____ If you’re buying a dress at a department store, still make appointments for dress fittings.
____ Buy your wedding day undergarments and shoes, in order to wear them at the fittings.
____ Offer to help the bride with any wedding planning task she has going on, such as making involved DIY projects or collecting addresses for the invitations.
____ Work on all the plans for the bridal shower, and pay your share of the bridal shower expenses.
_____ Buy and wrap the bridal shower present.
____ Ask the bride what she wishes as far as your wedding day hair and beauty appointments; not all brides ask their ‘maids to join them at the salon, so you need to know what you’ll be doing on the morning of the wedding to get gorgeous.
1 to 2 Months In Advance:
____ Host and pay for the bridal shower.
____ Help the bride keep track of who gave which gift.
____ Plan the bachelorette party, and send invitations to select guests who will join you.
____ Pay for the bachelorette party, and host it in honor of the bride.
____ Offer to help the bride with any planning tasks she has going on, such as making favors or creating the seating chart.
____ Return your response card immediately upon receiving it…with a sweet note written on the bottom!
____ Continue with your dress fittings as needed.
3 Weeks in Advance:
____ Pick up your altered and pressed gown from the seamstress, and store it in a very safe place.
____ Offer to help the bride with any wedding planning tasks she has going on.
____ Take the bride out for a de-stressing activity such as a hike, a walk through the park, a concert, a movie, girls’ night in.
____ Confirm your travel and hotel plans.
2 Weeks in Advance:
____ Offer to help the bride with any wedding planning tasks she has going on.
____ Get your pre-wedding haircut, color, and highlights.
____ Write the bride a lovely letter to give her at the rehearsal dinner.
____ Buy the wedding gift and wrap it, or have it sent to the bride and groom’s home.
____ Confirm your beauty appointment.
____ Purchase any stockings or accessories you will need for the big day.
1 Week in Advance:
____ Break in your new wedding day shoes, wearing them around the house or out on your driveway so that the bottoms get scuffed a bit for safe traction.
____ Check in with the bride to get an updated itinerary of where you need to be and when.
____ Offer to help the bride with any last-minute tasks.
____ Travel to the wedding location the required number of days in advance, such as two days prior, to be there for pre-wedding events and helping.
The Day Before the Wedding:
____ Arrive on time, or early, at your hotel, and unpack completely so that you’re available for all pre-wedding events.
____ Set out your dress – steam it to remove wrinkles, if necessary, and all of your accessories.
____ Check in with the bride to see if there’s anything you need to pick up for her.
____ Attend the arrivals cocktail party and greet guests if the bride and groom are not in attendance yet.
____ Attend the rehearsal.
____ Attend the rehearsal dinner.
____ Join out-of-town guests back at the hotel for a post-rehearsal-dinner mingling event, if planned.
____ Join the bride at her place to help her prepare last-minute items and tasks.
____ Take plenty of photos!
____ Go to bed early – tomorrow’s a big day!
On the Wedding Day:
____ Arrive on time, if not slightly early, at the location where you will join the brides and the other bridesmaids.
____ Attend the wedding morning breakfast.
____ Join the bridesmaids at the salon for hair and makeup, or prepare your own hair and makeup at the bride’s chosen location.
____ Dress for pre-wedding photos.
____ Help the bride dress and prepare, as needed.
____ Pose for pre-wedding photos.
____ Help the bride gather any items necessary, such as the groom’s ring, marriage license, emergency bag and other essentials.
____ Be sure you have your purse, keys, cell phone and other essentials.
____ Accompany the bride and bridal party to the ceremony location, and let the excitement begin!
____ Participate in the wedding ceremony.
____ Stand in the receiving line, if required.
____ Pose for post-ceremony photos.
____ Participate in special introductions and dances at the reception.
____ Help the bride with any needs during the reception.
____ After the reception, help the bride gather any belongings to take home, and pack her gifts in the car.
____ Direct guests back to their hotel, if needed.
____ Attend the after-party.
Even MORE help is available in my book Bridesmaid on a Budget! And check out my additional planners and idea books for bridesmaids: The Ultimate Bridal Shower Idea Book and The Bridesmaid Handbook.
Visit me at sharonnaylor.net for more bridesmaid tips and advice.
You can’t dive into wedding planning without first knowing what you and your groom really want for your big day, and setting up a wedding plans Priority List helps you protect your plans from well-meaning parents who have their own suggestions. With your priorities listed out, you know where the biggest chunks of your wedding budget will go, and you’ll be able to tell your parents that you’ve already decided on the location for your ceremony, the kind of cake you want, etc.
These free wedding planning worksheets will save the day:
Our Wedding Priority Lists
Bride’s Top Priorities:
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Groom’s Top Priorities:
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Lesser Priorities Others Can Help With
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From Sharon Naylor’s bestselling wedding book Your Wedding, Your Way, www.sharonnaylor.net
Waking up on Book Expo day is like waking up on Christmas morning, knowing I’m about to enter a wonderland filled with amazing newly-released books (putting the panic about books going ‘under’ to bed) meeting celeb authors, the spectacle, the excitement, the mingling with my top editors at all the big houses…how the majors set up their massive booths like living rooms. PR genius create bigtime shows for their authors, and I find amazing picks for you to add to your bridal registry.
The first from the 2012 show has to be Rachael Ray’s new cookbook Burgers, which created a line around the room, and Jane Seymour looked gorgeous signing a paper clock item for her new book. No book, but the chance to meet Ms. Seymour, who did have the Open Hearts necklace on.
The cookbook Queens of publishing, like Chronicle and Shadow Mountain, had gorgeous cookbooks that have to hit your registry list to create a packed kitchen library of books, and I spotted terrific travel guides and cultural titles.
Book Expo can be a bit of scrum, with publishers piling up giveaway books in pre-edited bound form (called galleys) that librarians and book editors like myself are invited to take, and when those freebie piles are spotted, there’s a lot of diving and pushing to get a copy. I only take the ones I know I can review for my bridal audience, and understand the publisher’s frustration when attendees grab everything in sight, like Willy Wonka’s chocolate garden room at the factory. I’ve found some great stuff at Expo and included fab find books in my Bridal Guide roundups, featured authors in my Creators Syndicate columns and more, but most of all just like being in the book mecca to hang out with my editors and pore over the new releases, beam at the sight of buyers sitting down with the special teams groups to place mega-orders of books.
Here is one of my own books, which I was invited to sign at Book Expo two years ago! And I noted a bunch of the fitness and wellness books new from my publisher GPP to feature on my many bridal blogs.
My book reviews went up on so many of the top bridal blogs, as well as on my Aisle Files column at New Jersey Bride, and you can look forward to my next report from the 2013 Book Expo at the Javits, where I’ll find the best books on cooking, home, travel, floral design, fashion, DIY brilliance, and especially awesome novels and novel series that will transport you out of wedding world, relax you and get you totally into a new series or author. That’s a terrific wedding present!
