Traded in plans for 1 hour with Joe tonight for a fabulous home-cooked dinner here by my fireplace tomorrow night. So instead of the cuddling I think about all day, it was a phone conversation or two tonight, hearing that voice of his, hearing that laugh and knowing exactly what it looks like in person, imagining him walking his usual path through his place, picturing him in his black tee shirt and shorts. I love hearing his assessments of me, the little nuances that are complete news to me and make me wrinkle my nose in adoration instead of worry. He brings out the best parts of me that I had walled off. He’s bravely honest and open, which allows me to be the same. He leads, like a gentleman does while slow dancing, unfolding himself so that I can unfold myself. This is an amazing dance. I don’t even have a snapshot for this, because even with my writer’s imagination, I never could have imagined this could be so comfortable and so amusing, inspiring and so….I don’t even have the words. This is what real comfort feels like…even with little mini pockets of panic (“What if…”) that float away as quickly as they arrive.
And even though he’s just down the road, and I literally could walk to his place…and even though it’s just been two days since our last visit…I miss him and wish he was here. Tomorrow morning, there won’t be coffee cups on my couch table, and I’ll miss that too.
4 days til our weekend away. I’ve been counting. I’m already packed. And no, I’m not bringing any sweatshirts or purple sweatpants or ‘fleece work uniform’ outfits. 😉
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